Salazarenl

Getting Real!

Yikes Yikes! My Group on the challenge boards is doing A Booty Firming Challenge and asked us all to get real by posting picts. I followed my coaches lead and I did it! Looking at the picts I see all that is wrong with me. I have to remember where I started from:

To and where I am:

I am more then Half way to where I am going. I need 36 pounds to get there.

Thanks to Medifast I am almost there.

I know shouldn't complain but I get frustrated when I think of how I let myself go and now that I am losing my body has aged and it doesn't have that spring it used to.

Underneath my neck I see this tight nerve just kinda hanging out. Where did that come from and when did I get it. My Dh say it just a sign of my age. But I often wonder if I hadn't gained would I have that there?

I worry if I lose more weight if my skin is gonna wrinkle more is my face gonna become old looking? Right now its all good I have lost 70 pounds and I have some lose skin to try to tighten. Lord I hope and pray it tightens.

I know losing will never completely give me back the old me I just hope I can accept myself with all of my imperfections.

I know I am babbling. I just am having so many fears associated with losing and reaching my goal.

Well I will leave my fears on this blog for now and go rest my head on my pillow for the night.

posted Thursday, June 05, 2008 1:38 AM by Salazarenl | 3 Comments

I Worked so hard and Blew it!

I so blew it on the weekend couldn't resist my Grandson's B-day cake(Sun) which was sweet and when I eat sweet I need something salty which led to chips. Not to mention the Party after the Baby's Party Which went on to Monday because we got more company in. That killer Kool-aid was Killer alright!(Margarita mix with Kool-aid and tequila and Lime salt)

I am up 2 pounds but am OP again. I wont move my ticker hoping it will be right there this weekend.
Haven't had much time to read posts. I will try to catch up.

Oh The bike my Hubby has is a VStar. He wants to trade it in for a Roadster Touring bike. He wanted a Harley But I didn't agree because we have had our bike 4 years and it only has 3000 mi on it.(The Red River Bike run was fun but cold we are going to the Riodoso NM run in September.)

I got my new chaps with a black rose and fringe and guess what I needed the Jacket to match. My Hubby spoiled me. I will take a Pict when I shed these 2 pounds

posted Thursday, May 29, 2008 1:06 PM by Salazarenl | 4 Comments

Re-Creating Me

Well I was kinda busy last week.
Yesterday was fun it was graduation and I am finding out I really like to dress up. I had a blast yesterday. I put on my size 8m Jeans one of my daughters pink summer tops. My stomach looked flat I was amazed! My daughter was at a convention and she took her hair straightener., So I pinned on a wig I had bought that never fit right because my face was too fat. Its a headband wig. I put it on it even matched my hair color. I loved the look. I loved the bouncy hairstyle. I felt all Dolly. I was loving Re-Creating Me. I even told my DH to take me to have my nails done. but we got company and it didn't happen. We went to the graduation Parties and I got so many hugs and compliments. Many didn't even realize I was wearing a wig.
One of my friends was talking to me and called me by my daughters name. She cracked up she said " I called you Sioban I messed up because you look so young". It was so much fun.

I liked the look now, if someone would tell me how I can get used to wearing wigs. I would do it all the time. I need tips on fastening them and stuff. I fastened it on pretty good but I used a ton of pins. but I am not sure I did it right.
Well I gotta to go make my DH lunch. (When I recreate the look I wore sometime this week and get my nails done I will post a picture).

posted Sunday, May 18, 2008 2:03 PM by Salazarenl | 2 Comments

I Just wanted to throw my cell phone at her!!!!!

Today seemed to be going well. I even threw in the towel and took my mom out to eat with us. I felt sorry for her and decided to spend Mothers Day With her. I should have know better. (Why Can't I spend one good day with her with out her being negative)!

I stayed OP I ate a taco salad. As for my Daughter she went off the program ( She started a few days ago and is having a battle She loves sweets and food so much she says she wants to marry a chef).

I was proud of myself that I stay on Program. We get in the car and My DM starts with I hope you don't get to skinny. Once you get started you don't know when to stop. I tried to ignore her but she repeated it 3 times. Damn (sorry) Here I am trying to lose the healthy way I am not starving and what does she do she throws my past anorexic eating disorder in my face! A disorder that was brought on partially by her being so controlling and negative. I was so mad I just wanted to throw my Cell Phone at her.
I felt all my strength leave my body and I felt like I was that anorexic person again. My thoughts of being proud of staying OP and have eaten a wonderfully healthy salad turned to I want to go home and purge. I felt week as though I had no control again.
I haven't given myself permission to cry. But I know I need to. She knows better. She tried to sabotage me in an instant.

Then she goes on to tell my daughter who is struggling herself that she doesn't need the program all she needs to do is exercise. I tell her exercise is not enough Sioban also needs to learn to eat healthy. My mom goes on to say that she herself can not exercise because she runs out of breath. All That is running through my mind at this point is why cant she run out of breath when she is running off her mouth so I don't have to deal with her negativity. I was so relieved to drop her off at her house. I am sorry no matter how much I try this lady just pushes my buttons and makes me regret my efforts.
I came home and am holding my own I have not purged. I am good but angry as all get out!

Sorry I have you all reading my rantings. I try to be a good daughter and it always backfires.

posted Monday, May 12, 2008 1:15 AM by Salazarenl | 3 Comments

Been MIA

Well I have been busy with the family. My mind and home have felt a bit cluttered lately. I figure if I work on getting the clutter out of my house my mind wont feel so stressed.

My DH's Grandmother is having Congestive heart failure. and has been in the hospital since Thursday. She has asked the family to let her go so she isn't hooked up to anything and is in lots of pain.

I am doing OK staying OP last night was rough because we went out to my DH uncles house and the family all was there having beverages. But I stayed OP. I still find myself afraid of the dreaded scale. I am afraid to weigh in tomorrow. I shouldn't be scarred because I am now in a size 8 misses I have dropped from a size 18W. I guess what I am most afraid of is hitting a plateau. I should be happy with my 60 pound weight loss.

My Grandson is going to be a year now the 27th of this month. I am secretly missing my not being tied down do anything I want time. I have been a 24/7 grandma to him and I am wearing down.

My daughter started the program and seriously she is driving me crazy! She wants tortilla she wants sugar. and is acting like a spoiled brat! so now I am dealing with 2 babies and on occasion 3 when My DH acts up. I want to run away by myself.

I am so tired I think thats why my mind feels cluttered.

Say a prayer for me that this black cloud lifts.

Well I gotta dash for now. I will post more later.

posted Saturday, May 10, 2008 9:27 PM by Salazarenl | 2 Comments

Thank You All Who have Supported Me!

I just want to say thank you all so much. You all have been an insperation to me and have given me great strength.

Who woulda thunk that we could bond and support each other just by Blogging.

I have been so busy lately between being a house wife, Mother, Grandmother and studying to take my test to become a Health Coach. (Which I am happy to say I scored a 96.67~~~~YAY I Passed!) it has been hard for me to blog as much. And sometimes when I am Blogging I am so tired my eyes are shutting in front of me as I try to type away. I Just want to let you all know that your kind words carry me though the tough times and the good times.

Thank You, Thank You!

Bless You All!

~Lisa

posted Wednesday, April 30, 2008 12:57 AM by Salazarenl | 3 Comments

Believing In Ourselvs

Limitations can either define us or challenge us. When We look at our abilities, do We see boundaries and limits, or do We see possibilities & potential?

Obsessing a weaknesses can blind us to the abilities we already have. We all have talent.

The secret is to find that talent, develop and push it far as we can. Our talent might be right in front of us. Where do We get the most compliments? What seems to come easily to us? What do people ask our advice for? Answering these Questions will define our abilities to succeed. We al all need to believe in ourselves that we can do anything we set our minds to.

posted Tuesday, April 29, 2008 3:57 AM by Salazarenl | 4 Comments

HAPPY TO ANNOUNCE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I am oh so happy to announce I am no longer Obese I made the h over weight BMI chart at 29.8 this morn. I was freezing in the wee hours of the morning so I knew I was in major ketosis and a change was coming. When I stepped on the scale this morn. I was half asleep my eyes were kinda pasted in my sockets. I saw 162.8 and I had to rub my eyes and refocus I was pleasantly surprised it really was 162.8. I am so ecstatic!
I even tried on My hubby's 501 Mens Jeans and they fit. they went up my hips!32x32
What? a week ago they wouldn't even go past my hips. I am so happy I am wearing his pants today! He will get home and be mad because I am wearing his clothes. I just love it I can't wait for him to come home from work! What a way to start the day!
Have a wonderful day all.

posted Friday, April 25, 2008 3:33 PM by Salazarenl | 15 Comments

Can't be...... ....But, Oh it definitely can......

I am 5'2" and today I weighed 164 which is still obese with my BMI reading 30.1. I pray that tomorrow I will drop a pound and be overweight(BMI 29.9) instead. I feel it happening. Oh Joy what a milestone that will be. I even have butterflies in my stomach with anticipation.

posted Sunday, April 20, 2008 3:47 AM by Salazarenl | 5 Comments

The Secret Sabotage of losing

!Anger or Being upset one minute - on our couch eating the next, not remembering why we have started eating & how long we have spent munching? Folks, We have then just entered the world of emotional eating.

Emotional eating can pass after a few minutes or it can take over & cause us to eat uncontrollably for long periods of time.

We often eat to relieve stress or to get something off our minds. Stress may cause us to crave sugar, high carbohydrate foods. Foods that go straight to our waistline and cause even more stress.

Don't munch! We need to develop new skills for dealing with boredom, self-esteem and stress. We need to pinpoint the reasons for our stress or crazy emotions, and see how we can change the cycle.
Here are a few suggestions

Get our trigger foods out of the house
Go for a walk or jog.
Do deep breathing and relaxation exercises
Keep a reminder of our goals handy
Talk to a friend
Visit and post on the support message boards
Surround yourself with positive reinforcers, like pictures and people
Keep a journal that includes our best personal accomplishments
Track our eating patterns, including when and why We pick up food.

For me emotional eating has happened when I am over tired. What I did to change that is drink lots of water instead of putting food in my mouth.

I am finally finding my own voice and am able to tell my girls I can't take care of the grand babies I am exhausted. For almost a year I have been a Yes mom and felt guilty or I felt I was gonna be a bad grandma if I said no the my daughters about caring for the babies.

Lately I have notice that it has caught up with me. I just can't be that Yes mom any more. I am craving more ME time. Time to be exposed to the world again, instead of these four walls. I see the old me emerging. After losing 54 pound since January I seem to be seeing more of the old girl I thought was lost forever and I kinda like her!

posted Friday, April 18, 2008 10:57 PM by Salazarenl | 3 Comments